It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
