she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
