The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
