You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I need to calm my uterus...
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
