Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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