don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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