I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
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he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
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The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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