first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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