Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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