he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
