the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
