Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
It's never too late to be topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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