I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
