just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
