hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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