I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
