Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
