grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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