made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize