So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
