I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize