never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
