I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
