Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
