if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Randomize
