Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
