haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
