i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
