Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
