Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
