Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
