i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
