She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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