think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
