Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
either way he was missing a nipple.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
