why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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