i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
