Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
