i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
