stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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