hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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