Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
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you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
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My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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