At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
