Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
