would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
