the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
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