I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
We left an ass print on the piano.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
