we have officially lost it.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
