At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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