jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
