I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i wish my penis had a tongue
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
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Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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