you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
