A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
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