I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
