my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
