So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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