Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
