Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
