hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize