New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
