Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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