Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
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I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
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My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize