I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
