is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Randomize
