Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
