dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
