i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
