Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You are the jesus of drinking
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
