I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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