I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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