A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
