Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
