Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize