Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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