So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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