Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Michael Bay diarrhea
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
