i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
