Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
so explain again why im purple
no
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
