Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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