Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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