After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
