I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
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when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
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"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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