y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
