quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
