Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize