I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize