They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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