when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
